12/29

Workout:

80 shoulder taps
2 minutes plank
Well short of the goal.

2 mile bike warmup
Band work for hip warmup
Deadlifts: 5x135x2, 5x195, 3x225, 7x245
Squats: 5x135x2, 5x195, 3x225, 5x245
Pullups - max reps 1 set = 8

Reading:

I read more of Switch today. It talked about finding bright spots. A very typical thing to do when we know there is something that we want or need to change, we think about what's broken and how to fix that. Instead, the authors suggest that we find the bright spots, what's already working, and try to do more of that. It is a slight difference in thought, but actually quite a large mentality shift. I'm liking the author's descriptions so far. This book it good.

Notes:

Megs is visiting :) Crusty and I won at caps.  

12/28

Workout:

120 shoulder taps
3 minutes plank
Well short of the goal.

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

Today was the day. 

12/27

Workout:

200 shoulder taps
5 minutes plank

3 mile run
6 150s at 1:1.5 rest in two sets of 3 with 2 min between sets
100 throws

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

Today was my birthday. Never yet had to work on my birthday. Streak alive.

12/26

Workout:

120 shoulder taps
3 minutes plank
Well short of the goal.

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

Made pierogis today with the fam. 

12/25

Workout:

80 shoulder taps
2 minutes plank
Well short of the goal.

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

Saw Rogue One today. Loved it. I thought they did a really good job of providing backstory even though these were all knew characters and they aren't going to be around in future films.

12/24

Workout:

I did not workout today.

Reading:

I left my book at my uncle's house. Won't get it back until 12/28. So I did not read today. Thought about reading another chapter in Think Python, but did not.

Notes:

In classic my family fashion, I helped my dad with a big house project on Christmas Eve. We put up insulation in my old room. Good to be back.

12/23

Workout:

I did not workout today.
I did help my uncle with a lot of yardwork and shoveling.

Reading:

I did not read today. 

Notes:

Horses are beautiful creatures. 

12/22

Workout:

200 shoulder taps (in 5 sets)
5 minute plank (in 5 sets)

Reading:

I started reading a book called Switch: How to change things when change is hard. I liked the first chapter a lot. It talks about a basic 3 part framework for changing behavior through a great analogy:
   1. Direct the rider - the rider is your analytical side, the planner in you.
   2. Motivate the elephant - the elephant is your emotional side
   3. Shape the path - this is the specific instructions you will use to make a change
The idea here is that if you only appeal to your rider, you won't get very far, because the elephant will resist being pulled and eventually overpower the rider. You can think of the rider exerting power over the elephant as willpower. You only have so much before you lose that battle.
If you only appeal to your elephant, he will go stampeding in the wrong direction.
If you don't shape the path, you'll be walking circles in the jungle forever.

I'm not nearly as good at explaining this as the authors, so read it for yourself.

Notes:

Heading home for the holidays!!!

12/21

Workout:

40 shoulder taps
1 minute plank
Well short of the goal - revising the goal either way because 400 shoulder taps would be insane.

Reading:

I finished The Checklist Manifesto. Gawande talked about the culture of doctor's, businessmen, etc being the reason that checklists are not used more. They are looked up to because our society thinks they are perfect so they buy in and are less likely to rely on something that is built to remind them of the simplest things that they should be able to do on their own. He used an anecdote about the hudson river crash and the pilot that landed the plane. He kept saying it was a team effort and that he simply followed protocol, but the media kept shoving the 'this guy's a hero' story down our throats. Pretty accurate. Best part of the book I think tbh. Not a great one, but a quick read.

Overall Gawande came across very arrogant and condescending.

Notes:

Silicon Valley is great.

1

12/20

Workout:

I did not workout today.

Reading:

I read another chapter of The Checklist Manifesto. Gawande talked about the actual implementation of the WHO initiative and how it went super well. Who'da thunk it after all the build up in the first 7 chapters.

Notes:

Was supposed to go to the gym. Did not.

1

12/19

Workout:

I did not workout today.

Reading:

I read another chapter of The Checklist Manifesto. Gawande talked about having to revise his initial safe surgery checklist a lot and getting a lot of guidance from a Boeing guy who had made scores of checklists for aviation crises.

Notes:

Candyland is an awful game.

New daily workout this week
(EDIT - this would be impossible)
5 minutes of plank
200 shoulder touches

0

12/18

Workout:

.5 mile warm-up run to the gym
Mini-band work to warm-up hips.
Front squats: 5x95x2, 5x115, 5x135, 5x155x2
   Huge focus on form. Lost it a bit on the 135 set, but got it back in the two 155 sets.
3x6 dips
3x5 pull-ups
1 min each leg ankle stability
2x10 each leg side squats w/kettlebell
Abs circuit:
   30s each of crunches, flutter kicks, over/under kicks, v-ups, bugs (Haj's fav) + 3 min plank
100 Pushups
200 Crunches
.5 mile cool-down run from gym

2.5 hours of indoor w/focus on tighter d (less poaching) and better decision making on O.
   Only 1 bad decision. Mostly good d. Got a bit lazy towards the end of the time.

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

Brunch w/Fam at Southport Grocery, and it was fantastic (Thanks again Abby).

Naps are great.

2

12/17

Workout:

Rest Day

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

Saw Second City with my family today! Walked around downtown a lot, and got some great food (Thanks Abby for the spreadsheet! It is dope.).

2

12/16

Workout:

Rest Day

Reading:

I read the next chapter of The Checklist Manifesto. He finally said something very valuable. In times of crisis, when problems are complex, it is better to distribute power and responsibility rather than concentrate it at the center. The example he gave was hurricane Katrina. FEMA, trying to consolidate power and decision making, took very long to adequately respond. Wal-Mart of all companies, had told it's employees to make decisions as they saw fit at the local level and were able to help people in the crisis much faster and more efficiently.

Notes:

Caps is a great game, but 6 person is brutal.

0

12/15

Workout:

100 Pushups
200 Crunches

Reading:

I read the next chapter of The Checklist Manifesto. We're now at like 4 chapters of the author shoving the fact that checklists do good things even though everyone is hesitant at first down your throat.
Not impressed with this book so far.

Notes:

Goodbye dinner for David. I hope to visit Belfast someday and catch up with him.

1

12/14

Workout:

Warm-up - 10 minute 3 mile bike
Squats: 5x135x2, 3x185, 3x205, 4x235
Deadlifts: 5x135x2, 3x185, 3x205, 6x235
3x5 dips
3x4 pull-ups
100 Pushups
200 Crunches
shoulder stability - 3x12 Y-pulls each arm
ankle stability - 1 minute each leg on half-ball w/kettlebell

Reading:

I read the next chapter of The Checklist Manifesto. It was less obnoxious than the first chapter, but he is giving too much evidence. I get it already. Checklists are good. He talked about construction sites using checklists.

Notes:

Vor finale. V good.

1

12/13

Workout:

20 Pushups
40 Crunches
Disappointed in these numbers.

Reading:

I started reading The Checklist Manifesto today. So far he has just talked about how being a doctor is hard. I'm not very impressed yet.

Notes:

Played trivia today. Worthless as always when it comes to music. Great at US Geography it turns out.

1

12/12

Workout:

100 Pushups
200 Crunches

Warm-up - 2 hours of rock climbing
Squats: 5x135x2, 3x185, 3x205, 4x235
Deadlifts: 5x135x2, 3x185, 3x205, 3x235
   Limiting factor was grip strength due to rock climbing beforehand.

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

Slept a lot today. Sleep is good.

0

12/11

Workout:

100 Pushups
200 Crunches

Played at indoor. Level of play was incredibly frustrating. Some people are so bad.

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

Sidra's birthday!!! Love you sis.

Day 2 of the coaching clinic. More great info from Matty. Also some very irritating conversations about spirit. I know that my thoughts are in the minority, but geez some people... Holy cow.

12/10

Workout:

I did not workout today.

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

I attended the first day of the level 2 coaching clinic hosted by Matty Tsang. He is really awesome to listen to. He has so many great thoughts and techniques. Really excited to continue on my coaching journey.

I got my new bed today. Loving it.

Had another date today and it was a blast.

12/9

Workout:

I did not workout today.

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

I attended our company holiday party today and had a blast. I tied my first bowtie and got tons of compliments for it. It was pretty cool.

0

Daring Greatly

“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”
-Theodore Roosevelt

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I want to write a recap of the book as a whole rather than the chapter by chapter way I've been doing it in my daily posts.

I think my biggest takeaway from this book is that shame is different than guilt. As I was reading through this book, I realized what was responsible for my depression earlier this year. It was shame. And whether it was misplaced or not (there is a difference between shame and guilt which I'll mention shortly), rather than facing it head-on, I had been trying to use shields to protect myself from it. My biggest, heaviest shield was a method called numbing. I stayed 'crazy busy' in order to not face those thoughts in my head. If I never stopped to breathe, I would never have to face those thoughts. It 'worked' for a bit, but I couldn't keep that pace forever. When I finally did talk about those thoughts, that's when I found out about the difference (and Brené Brown reinforces that difference in this book/lays it out in clear terms). The difference is 'I am bad' (shame), and 'I did something bad' (guilt). Doing something bad doesn't make someone a bad person. But for months I was struggling with that question. Am I a bad person? It's really a catch 22 that shame, the thing no one like to talk about, is most powerful when you don't talk about it. If you can summon the activation energy to talk about it, it loses most of its power right then and there.

Daring Greatly means putting yourself out there - 'Entering the arena' as Brown puts it. To dare greatly, you need to be able to do a number of things.
You need to be able to take off your armor and engage for one. I think of this like the scene in the Dark Knight Rises when Bruce Wayne is trying to jump out of the pit. When he has the safety of the rope in the back of his mind, he cannot make the jump. The rope is the armor he's using to protect himself, and he figuratively weighs too much. When he decides to jump without the rope, taking off the armor, he makes the jump. He is able to dare greatly.
Another thing you need to be able to do is be resilient to shame. Shame is omni-present in our culture and comes from all directions. A few tools for shame resilience are not tying your self-worth to external achievements, telling yourself that you are enough, and learning to love the cracks and imperfections about yourself.

Shame can take many different forms and manifests differently for each gender. The key shame triggers for women are their looks and their motherhood. The key shame triggers for men are being weak and providing for their family if I remember correctly. Being weak is the one that stuck out the most to me.
I am so grateful to my father for the qualities he has instilled in me. He irritates me sometimes with the neverending parenting for sure. But without him, I fear my step-father's influence may have been detrimental, and  I would not have been able to avoid the pitfalls of most men in our society. Dad really instilled in Eric and me the fact that we could be vulnerable. That we could be emotional. That there was nothing wrong with 'being weak'. And although my family may argue that I still 'bottle up' my emotions a lot, I believe I am lightyears ahead of most men thanks to this. I have no problem showing weakness to those I trust and am close to.  

Whether it be in the workplace, school, friendships, relationships etc. Everyone can relate to the idea of 'protecting themselves' from something negative. I think back to middle school and remember thinking before the roster came out for the 7th grade basketball team, if I don't make it, then the coaches are dumb. I was protecting myself from a potential negative outcome by blaming others. Blaming and criticizing others is a form of armor. Granted I made the team, but had I not, I would have had truly only myself to blame as I was weighing myself down.
I can think of other instances when I tried to protect myself, but I think I have largely done a good job of putting myself out there in my life. Being vulnerable, and experiencing joy, love, and happiness.

 BRENE BROWN’S 10 GUIDEPOSTS FOR WHOLEHEARTED LIVING

1. Cultivating Authenticity: Letting Go of What People Think
2. Cultivating Self-Compassion: Letting Go of Perfectionism
3. Cultivating a Resilient Spirit: Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness
4. Cultivating Gratitude and Joy: Letting Go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark
5. Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith: Letting Go of the Need for
Certainty
6. Cultivating Creativity: Letting Go of Comparison
7. Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and
Productivity as Self-Worth
8. Cultivating Calm and Stillness: Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle
9. Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting Go of Self-Doubt and “Supposed To”
10. Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance: Letting Go of Being Cool and “Always in Control”

TLDR - Read this book! It's fantastic!

ARC

12/8

Workout:

Warmup - Band work to warm up hips
Front squats - 5x65, 5x95, 5x115, 5x135, 5x135, 5x135
Single-leg deadlifts - 3x5 each leg w/Kettlebell (approx 20lbs)
Ankle stability - 1 minute each leg
Shoulder stability - 3x12 Y-pulls each arm
100 Pushups
200 Crunches

Intensity - 8.5/10
This was somewhat rushed, but a good workout nonetheless
Plantar rehab - icing for 30 minutes

Reading:

I finished Daring Greatly. The last chapter talked a lot about parenting and letting kids experience for themselves. If you are always protecting them, they are never able to build shame resilience which they invariably will eventually run into in the outside world. She talks about really living the way that you want your kids to live. Setting an example is more important than 'knowing' how to parent.

Overall it was probably the best book I've ever read. It was incredibly emotionally taxing and thus took me a long time to read. There was so much content that made so many things make sense in our world/culture and the author cared so deeply about the topic, that I found myself tearing up daily on the L while reading. I look forward to Daring Greatly in my life!

Notes:

Hair brought down Ghareeb Nawaz. Soooooo good.

Played poker tonight and actually won some money after being down for a while. 

1

12/7

Workout:

Subbed pushups for rock climbing
240 crunches
Plantar rehab - icing for 30 minutes

Reading:

I read more of Daring Greatly. Chapter 6 talks about re-humanizing the workplace, and education: Removing or reducing shame so as to increase creativity because that is where true innovation comes from. It talks about sitting next to someone rather than across the table from them. Being on the same level.

This made me question the 1 on 1 meetings Yngve and I had with the youngens on NUT. Perhaps we shouldn't have had the table between us. It may have unwittingly made them think we were not in this together.

Notes:

Had a rock climbing date tonight. Was really fun, but dang the routes at First Ascent are harder than I'm used to. Could only do up to V1s. 

Setup new bed frame, woot!

0

12/6

Workout:

100 pushups
200 crunches
Plantar rehab

Reading:

I read more of Daring Greatly. The beginning of chapter 5 talks about the mind gap which she defines as the difference between where we are (how we act) and where we want to be (how we want to act).

Part of me is glad I'm taking my time to get through this book as I want to retain and absorb it, but Pops finished it in less than 3 hours and I'm going on 12 ish hours.

Notes:

Had dinner with Fritz, Hair, and Jer-bear today at Chicago Q. Good food, good company. Want to try new places too though when I do spend money.

Been spending too much money recently.

1

12/5

Workout:

100 pushups
200 crunches

3.3 mile 10 minute bike ride warmup
Band work for hip and leg mobility
Squats: 5x95, 5x135, 5x165, 5x195, 7x225
Deadlifts: 5x95, 5x135, 5x165, 5x195, 6x225
Shoulder stability: 3x12 each arm y-pulls
Ankle stability: 1 minute each leg on half ball holding medicine ball (no arms to balance with)
Box jumps: 3x10

Form felt much better on my lifts today as I started my program with my 5 rep maxes.
Intensity - 9/10 this was very hard and felt great!

Plantar rehab

Reading:

I read more of Daring Greatly. The end of chapter 4 talks about some smaller, less used, shields than perfectionism, numbing, and foreboding joy to 'protect' us from vulnerability. From earlier in the book, we know that vulnerability is a good thing, it's what drives connection and love and joy. Anyway so these shields are ones that I typically don't use, like cynicism, cruelty, and criticism. I've been more of a numb-er in the past. Good info either way.

Talked with Emily more about it today too. Love that it's stimulating conversations with her. Love getting closer to her again.

Notes:

Still haven't kicked this stupid cold.

Daily to do lists are going fantasticly!

Lots of fun planned this week! In the words of KB, "what a time to be alive!!"

3

12/4

Workout:

100 pushups
200 crunches

Played 3v3 w/Walden, Ding, Haj, Mick, Kevin, Hair, and Niemer. It was snowy and cold and absolutely a blast bidding around in the snow even though we got shellacked by Walden and co. I need to be better. I want to be able to compete with Walden.

Reading:

I read more of Daring Greatly. She talks about one of the ways in which we 'protect' ourselves from vulnerability. One of them is numbing. This can be anything from staying busy 24/7 to drinking until you can't feel the pain. This is something I've absolutely done because I was afraid to feel the pain that I knew was coming for me. Another one is perfectionism. We think that if we're perfect, we wont have to feel inadequate. The way to deal with perfectionism is to appreciate the beauty of 'cracks'.
More than half-way done with the book now.

Notes:

I had a date this morning at Stan's Donuts. It was fun. Also the donuts were v good.

Crafted again with Hair today. I died :(

Oh I've also been doing plantar rehab, be it rolling or icing, every day this week. Forgot to write it on the other posts.

12/3

Workout:

100 pushups
200 crunches
50 lunges each leg

Throwing w/Kevin
Lots of experimenting in the basement of tech, had to throw straight.
Approx 200 throws
Hucks before the 4v4 tourney
Approx 50 throws

Warmup
.5 mile run to the gym
Finding 5 rep max for deadlifts
  5x135x2, 5x225, 5x245 (my form was definitely not where it once was nor where it needs to be)
Cooldown
.5 mile run home from the gym

Reading:

I read more of Daring Greatly. She talks about joy foreboding. It's the idea that we don't think we're worthy of being as happy as we are, so when something good happens, we immediately picture the worst thing that could happen to prepare ourselves for the eventual dropoff that has to happen since 'we don't deserve the happiness'. This is a really common practice, but it means that you are never truly enjoying the moments as they're happening.

Notes:

Kevin and I met with all the new A teamers throughout the day. Meetings were good. I am very hopeful going into winter.
The final day of the 4v4 tourney happened. Very intense games in the semis and finals. Good.

I crafted with Hair today for the first time in a while. It was a blast.

Hung out with David again tonight, this time just shooting the shit at Haji's. His words: "That was maximum chill tonight!"

People from other countries are awesome. I want to hang out with more of them.

12/2

Workout:

I did not workout today.

Reading:

I read more of Daring Greatly. She talked a lot more about genders and shame. And there was discussion about how men feel as though they are in a box in our culture. We start out as children and the box is big enough for us. We are allowed to cry and have emotions, but as we grow, there is less and less room in the box for those things. And by the time we are adults, there is just enough room to survive.

Notes:

Hung out with David (coworker from Belfast) tonight. He's awesome! 

12/1

Workout:

100 pushups
200 crunches
We were supposed to do sprints and throwing before practice, but the lights weren't on and the field was locked so we could not.

Reading:

I read more of Daring Greatly. She talked about men and women experience shame differently. Generally the way the the genders feel shame are determined by our cultural norms. Women generally feel shame in regards to their looks, their mothering ability and their ability to look like they aren't trying (perfectionism in other words). Men on the other hand feel shame in regards to their masculinity - to never be perceived as weak - and their ability to provide/be the breadwinner.

Notes:

Bummed about having to cancel practice, but we rescheduled for Saturday.

I worked from home today and got a ton of things done. I started my practice of making daily to do lists back up and it's great. Keeps me on track throughout the day. 

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

"...to grow up is to accept vulnerability.  To be alive is to be vulnerable."
-Madeleine L'Engle

What woukd you do if you knew you couldnt fail?

This was a question Eric posed to me back in the summer. It resurfaced again this week in Daring Greatly which I started reading per Emily's recommendation. I absolutely love this question. It really gets at our deepest desires and pushes us to be stronger, more daring, and do what we really want.

When Eric asked me this, one thought came to mind immediately. I would move back to Chicago so that I could coach NUT. I also thought on it for a day or so and had other ideas come to me. But this one, this immediate thought, really caught hold. I started putting in real effort to find a job in Chicago. I would get home from work and spend at least 2 hours a night applying to jobs, sending emails to companies asking if they had openings, researching companies that I would want to work for. A few months passed with this pattern and I had gotten a couple phone interviews, but nothing real had come up. I had some conversations with Eric about making intelligent decisions while still striving for what I wanted. He urged me not to leave my then current job before I had a new one. Eventually I got to the point where I couldn't wait anymore. It was going to happen! I was going to Dare Greatly though I hadn't picked up that book yet.

I put in my notice at Epic. I was going to move back to Chicago with no guarantee of a full-time job to pay bills. I had talked to my old boss from college about picking up hours if necessary and he said yes, but that was a weak backup plan at best. I had to go all in. I was going to make it happen! The week before I left for my trip to Peru, I earned 3 more phone interviews because of my renewed sense of purpose. At this point I needed to get a job; it was no longer a want. I didn't have the option of failure. I worked harder and longer to get these interviews. I prepared more fully for them, and i performed better in them. One of these interviews ended up turning into the job offer that I accepted and the job I am now doing. If it hadn't been for that question, I might still be in Madison - unhappy and unfulfilled. This is the first time in my life that I have actually believed the saying "You can do anything you set your mind to". And it's because I acted as though I couldn't fail. And I didn't!

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?

ARC

11/30

Workout:

I did not workout today.

Reading:

I read more of Daring Greatly. She talks about shame in chapter 2. Shame is a very negative emotion that we all feel and we all are afraid to talk about. As I am reading through this, I am seeing that shame is ultimately what was behind my depression earlier this year. I felt ashamed of a lot of things that I had done. And although shame is ok to feel sometimes, it is generally misplaced and should always be addressed and talked about rather than kept inside. She talks about how shame means "I am bad" whereas guilt is "I did something bad". It's the difference between associating your self-worth with actions that you took. I am realizing that I am not a bad person because of some mistakes that I made whereas a few months back I was convinced that I was a bad person.

She also uses an analogy from Harry Potter. It's great.

Notes:

Practice tonight was great. Some people looked great in triangle of death. Others looked terrible, but that's expected. I am loving how responsive most of these guys are to feedback. Especially Raul. Dang he takes what you say and implements it immediately! Fantastic!

Also had a great conversation at lunch with coworker today about money. He used to coach classes on The Total Money Makeover! He named his dog Ramsey! Glad to know there are others out there :)

Also had a great conversation with Yngve on the way home from practice. Loving all the ideas flowing about NUT this year. He definitely is a good check on some of my rather harsh ideas.

11/29

Workout:

I went to the gym with Haj today.
Warmup - Band work, stretching calves and hips a lot
Squats -  5x95x2, 5x135x2, 5x225, 5x245 This is my 5 rep max that I will start my training with.
SDLs w/kettlebell - 5x4 each leg
Box Jumps w/Highest box - 10x3 w/focus on getting high enough to land on heals
Shoulder stability work with band - X-pulls 12x2 each arm
Variation of 10 minute abs (shortened)
    30 seconds each of:
      Crunches
      Flutter kicks
      Over under kicks
      V-ups
      something like suticase crunches (not sure what Haj called them)
      Russian twists w/Kettlebell
    And then 2.5 minutes of plank (each side included)

Intensity - 9/10
I failed a bunch during the abs workout. Need to be able to go straight through

Reading:

I read more of Daring Greatly. More talk of vulnerability and how it's seen as weakness in our culture. This is wrong. Vulnerability is not weakness. I think I actually have done a pretty good job in my life of being vulnerable. I enjoy feeling vulnerable with people. That's when you feel real connections. It definitely causes pain down the road when those relationships end, but it's still a valuable experience. Loving the conversation that this is stimulating with my cousin Emily.

Notes:

Caps w/Mick, Haj, and Lanu :)
Happy Birthday Micky!

11/28

Workout:

Aaaand again.

Reading:

I started reading Daring Greatly today on my commute to and from work. It is delightful. It actually has me tearing up at points. The author truly cares about what she is writing. She talks about vulnerability a lot in the introduction. About how vulnerability is the key to a lot of paramount human emotions like love and joy. You have to be able to feel vulnerable to make real connections. Thanks Em for a great suggestion. Excited to keep moving through this book.

Notes:

I had a date tonight at a coffee shop. It was fun.

11/27

Workout:

Meant to run again and did not again. Ugh. This is so embarrassing to keep writing every day.

Totally blanked. I played 1.5 hours of indoor pickup tonight. Thanks Brad and Crusty for driving me.
My plantar got very sore after 1.5 hours and I sat for the last hour. I did push myself during the first hour and a half to play as many points as I could without getting yelled at by others that wanted to play as well as still being able to play at a high (ish) level.

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

Drove home with Tony today.

11/26

Workout:

I meant to take a run, but did not.

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

Saw my new baby cousin Sinara for the first time. I don't get it when people say babies look like parent a or parent b. They absolutely do not. They look like a ball of goo. Adorable goo, sure, but goo nonetheless.

11/25

Workout:

I did not workout today.

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

Saw Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them with my dad today. It was pretty darn good :)

11/24

Workout:

5 Mile run in the morning.
Intensity - 8/10

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

The run was very difficult. I also am realizing why a lot of days not recorded regularly were piling up. I felt guilty for not doing more most of these days. Putting it on here is letting other people know that I failed at my goal too rather than just keeping it to myself.

11/23

Workout:

I did not workout today.

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

I drove home for thanksgiving.

11/22

Workout:

I did not workout today.

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

I could barely walk. May have jumped in too quickly in terms of the weight I was lifting.

11/21

Workout:

I went to the gym with Haj today. First time lifting in a while.
Warmup - Bike hard for ten minutes
Squats -  5x135, 5x185, 5x205, 5x225
Deadlifts - 5x135, 5x185, 5x205, 5x225
Intensity - 9/10

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

My muscles were completely dead after that workout

11/20

Workout:

I did not workout today. This is getting ridiculous. I need to get more serious about this.

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

Friendsgiving was great! I learned to cook something new and ate a ton of great food that other people cooked too.

11/19

Workout:

I did not workout today

Reading:

I did not read today.

Notes:

Today was Bruns' and Rose's wedding. Love them a ton! That guy earns respect like nobody's business. I strive to be like him. Congrats to the both of you!

Also had some great conversations with Walden on the way up to and down from Minneapolis. Learned a ton about him as a person and am glad for that opportunity. 

11/18

Workout:

I did not workout

Reading:

Does material for work count? Read lots there all week.

Notes:

Loving my new job.

11/17

Workout:

4x 150s @ 1:1.5 rest

Intensity - 8/10. This was very hard, though the second two were easier because Ding and Mick bailed on me so there was no one to compete with

Throwing - 3 man marking with Ding and Mick. Ding's throws are mind-boggling. I don't know how he does it. He steps out, the mark is there, and then his arm just extends past theirs and he throws it. Wish I could do it. My wide flicks were bad. I like my no-pivot backhand right now; it feels good. I also like my wide backhand right now. 

Reading:

Does material for work count? Read lots there all week.

Notes:

Got my computer back today. Got it taken apart and cleaned out for free. Coolio.

11/16

Workout:

Meant to run again. I really stink.

Reading:

No reading

Notes:

None

11/15

Workout:

Meant to take a run. I stink.

Reading:

No reading

Notes:

Couldn't make it up to practice today.

11/14

Workout:

Resting foot. Rolled with lacrosse ball for a while and iced.

Reading:

No reading

Notes:

First day of work at my new job! Working in Chicago is dope!

11/13

Workout:

Resting foot.

Reading:

I read a chapter of Think Python. Captains and Coaches read two chapters of Legacy and discussed.

Notes:

I want to come up with a Mantra for NUT now. Harder than it sounds.

11/12

Workout:

4v4 with Walden, Kevin, Yiding, Micky, Sahaj, Hair and handful of others.
Intensity 9/10. I only sat a handful of points. Plantar fascia very sore after.

Reading:

No reading

Notes:

Pawel is a funny guy. Too bad he doesn't have another year of eligibility.

11/11

Workout:

4 mile run downtown around my place.
Intensity 6/10. This was hard but I was not running fast. It was really nice out. The fresh air was fantastic!

Reading:

No reading

Notes:

I just got a map of Chicago and am going to be highlighting my running routes through the city. Eric's idea.

11/10

Workout:

Workout with Kevin before practice. Ladders, marking, cones, wind sprints.
Intensity 5/10. I felt very tired after the wind sprints.

Threw with Kevin and Yiding before practice as well.

Jump balls with Josh after practice. Trying to work with him to get it at his peak.

Reading:

No reading.

Notes:

I love coaching.

11/9

Workout:

I did not workout today.

Reading:

I finished The Happiness Advantage. TBH it took me so long to finish, I feel as though I didn't get what I should have out of the last few chapters. Will reread at some point.

Notes:

Metrics day for NUT. Ding and I are going to compete against each other at the one in winter quarter.

11/8

Workout:

2 mile run before practice.
Intensity 5/10. This was hard but I was not running fast. Need to get back in shape.

Reading:

No reading

Notes:

First practice back coaching! So stoked to be helping NUT.

11/7

Workout:

No workout unless you count unloading a bunch of stuff into my new apt.

Reading:

I read a chapter of Think Python

11/4-11/6

Friday - 
Workout:

No workout unless you count unloading a bunch of stuff into my new apt.

Reading:

No reading

Notes:

This was my last day of work at Epic. 

Saturday - 
Workout:

Meant to do 150s with Ding and Yngve, but did not. Did throw a bit between games.

Reading:

No reading

Notes:


First day helping coach NUT 2017. We had a bit of a skeleton crew due to injuries/parent's weekend, but I was super happy with the level of play.

Sunday - 
Workout:

No workout. Some jumpballs with Ding and Yngve though. Did throw a bit between games.

Reading:

No reading

Notes:


I thoroughly enjoy coaching. Results weren't there, but things to be excited about.  

11/3/2016

Workout:

I did not workout today, but I did pack a whole bunch of stuff into my car.

Reading:

I read a chapter of The Happiness Advantage. It talked about sharing happiness with others.

11/2/2016

Workout:

5 times through
Pushups - 20
Crunches - 40
Plank - 1 minute

Intensity - 2/10

Reading:

I read the first chapter of Think Python and played around with python a bit.

Notes:

Cubs won the world series. I hope the riots are over by the time I move next week.

11/1/2016

Workout:

Biking - 13 miles

Throwing w/Tony - working on wide release flicks (50x)

Intensity - 4/10

Reading:

I did not read today.
Correction: I read Yngve's blog post and found out that Bruns is blogging again and read through all of his new posts from the past month and a half.

Notes:

I'm joining in on the Yngve train.

Return

I am moving back to chicago and I can't wait!

Coaching II

Having just finished my first coaching season, I have some more thoughts.

High schoolers are very open to feedback. They know they don't know the best way to do something. Outside of my boy Sebass, they generally change their ways if you tell them once. So while it is frustrating that their bodies can't keep up with their heads, they are in general more coachable than college kids.

It gave me a lot of pride to watch them start to turn into actual frisbee players.

ARC

Regionals

The work is done
The time is now.
Rain, snow or sun
They'll do it somehow.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Regionals weekend. Let's go NUT. Can't wait to watch them kill it this weekend.

Me - Excited???

KB - Scared

Me - Last gl regionals. It is scary.

KB - Yea, I'm super nervous

Me - I'm excited to come watch

KB - We could win, or we could blow it.

Me - You're gonna do great!

KB - I'm torqued to have you there

Me - I'll help any way I can.
I've been looking forward to this for months! Tomorrow's the day!


ARC

Coaching

Fierce can be desire
Pronounced can be drive
Yet, still no results

---------------------------------

I really enjoy coaching. Totally worth all the 'OMG', 'What was that?!?', and facepalm moments. Very fulfilling to give back, and see people that really want to be there learning and working.

ARC

Being a Captain

Flatballs fly,
Flatballs curve,
Flatballs die,
Flatballs float.

---------------------------------

I missed out on being a captain for 2 years before actually becoming one. This had gotten a bit long winded, so I split it off into two posts. See Background Info for (a lot) more on this.

But now to what Jer-Bear asked for.

Being a Captain of NUT was something I strove towards for a long time. It was everything I hoped it would be and more. It was V rewarding to see the effort I put into helping my brothers develop translate directly to their on-field play. It was empowering to know that my brothers respected, and looked up to me enough to put me into a position of power in the first place. I believe I thrived on these things during my year as captain. I was able to push myself harder than ever before because I knew that everyone was looking to me to set the example. This seemingly contradicts the first piece of advice I ever received about being a captain:
Before the election that would decide captains for my junior year (my first time running), Scott Grindy sent me an email to make sure I knew what I would be signing up for if I won. He told me that the biggest takeaway he had was that his own development stagnated as he had to worry about everyone else's development.
And until I actually was a captain, I figured this would be true for me too. This thought scared me, but not enough to deter me from what I wanted. But it turns out it really was the opposite. As to why? A philosophy that I really believe in is that the best way to get better is by playing with people that are better than you. So, I felt that if I kept improving, it would give my teammates the best chance at improving too. If they had to keep up with me, they would push themselves harder. Their own internal drive would push them to improve and keep pace.

That being said being a captain was still restricting. I had my own goals as a player and member of NUT, but I had to put the team's best interests ahead of my own. Aside from this, I think I did a good job in this respect. Back to the point, if I could have had it my way, NUT would've been more like a boot camp. I would've screamed and yelled until people did what I wanted them to. But instead we, the leadership, had to baby our players. For example, we had a team meeting during the fall of 2014 in Tech to discuss what we (the leadership) saw as lazy and unacceptable commitment levels from everyone so far that quarter. Bruns, Yiding, Bk, and I had all written stories about how we had worked to get where we were, and how NUT used to be terrible. Our hope was that it would push everyone to work harder and do more than just go through the motions of showing up to practice and workouts. We were afraid of falling back into the pit of anonymity in the college ultimate universe, when we had been tasked with taking the team to new heights and levels of notoriety. However, one minute into the meeting, we had to completely change gears and give our whole team a pep-talk. We had to tell them they were all beautiful eagles, and we loved them, and they were doing fantastic. We had to do what was best for the team, and this time they were making it very clear what was best for them.

Sometimes though, people are too dumb to know what's best for them, and trying to make it clear just makes the captains' job harder. For example around this same time, we were trying to decide if we should go to College Easterns. Approximately half of our players thought we would just get annihilated in every game, and that it'd be a waste of time. The other half it seemed just wanted to go to Texas instead because the girls were going there. They were acting like Mary's little lamb. It was sickening. We had been following the girls to Texas for 3 years already with no tournament for ourselves. It was our turn to go to the best tournament we could go to. And it was time for the captains to step in to do what we were elected to do, and do what we knew was best for the team. We (or at least I) were afraid that the team would revolt against us, but we still had to make the call.

I don't mean to shed a negative light on being captain. Again, I loved every second of it, and wish I had been elected more than just once. But it's not an easy job, and it should not be entered into lightly. It takes a great deal of effort and focus to always think about the team ahead of yourself. I remember Bruns telling me after Steel City 2014 that I didn't sound whiny anymore. This was not an accident. Now that I was a captain, I had consciously put a lot of effort into thinking about how I was perceived by those around me. I knew my teammates needed to see me in a certain light, and that I couldn't act how I would've normally/previously. That's the biggest takeaway I think, you have to be ready and able to think of more than just yourself constantly.

I've heard a number of comments through the grapevine over the years that some captains don't like how it puts them on a different level. This can manifest in a few different ways. One - they are only ever hearing reasons, or excuses, or justifications from their teammates about this practice or that workout when they just want to have a person to person conversation about life, or school, or girls, or whatever it may be. Two - they are being left out of conversations because their teammates want to be able to talk freely, without fear of retribution for criticisms they may express. I cannot say that I ever experienced this issue, but I can absolutely see how it would be a very negative experience.

I am also incredibly grateful for all the work that Bruns put into coaching. I can imagine that having no coach would make being a captain much harder. More logistics in terms of planning practices, having to call lines at tournaments, etc.

I enjoyed my time as a captain, and value it greatly.

ARC

Background Info

Is it really dense
to just create words
and think they'll make sense?

-----------------------------------------------

This information has just been sitting in the back of my mind for a long time and I'm excited to get it out of my brain and onto (figurative) paper.

Attempt 1
Going into junior year, I thought I had the best case to replace the only departing captain (Scott). I had public support of one of the returning captains (Ben), while I believe the other (Cheese) did not publicly endorse either Ian or me. But I lost to Ian. Ian and I did not always see eye to eye, but he was a great captain, and I can live with this defeat. He was older, more mature, and had paid his dues.

Attempt 2
Going into Senior year, I once again thought I had the best case for becoming a new captain. There were now two vacancies, and I had already been a leader on the team for almost two full seasons. But I lost my cool at Regionals against Indiana, and then got figuratively curb-stomped by all of my teammates during the nomination process the following month. This was probably the most angry and hurt I have ever been. The only people that knew everything that happened in that 'explosion' were me and the two guys from Indiana that were involved. Randy, I think knew most of it, but he's not the most assertive guy.

April 28, 2013. Great Lakes Regionals, Rockford Illinois. 5th place game.

I remember the series of events like they happened yesterday. I had hyper-extended my knee on Saturday and after trying to play on that day, had decided I wasn't bringing anything to the picture. So I was trying to help my team from the sideline.

Their player had just caught a disc 'in the endzone'. I had been trying to tell Randy that their player (who also knew the truth) was clearly out of bounds, but got immediately yelled at by Indiana that 'Sideline has no perspective!'. This is a common thing to say, but for one thing, is not true, and for another, I was calmly trying to talk to my own teammate, and they had no business getting in the middle of our conversation. Randy decided that it wasn't worth it and called the guy in. At this point I thought, 'Ok, that's fine. It's just one point. They can cheat, but we'll overcome it'. But then the Indiana players who were on the sideline next to me and knew their teammate had been out of bounds decided to tell Randy 'Good spirit!'. Now most people who will read this know how I feel about spirit already, so you can imagine my thoughts at this point. Telling Randy that allowing them to cheat was 'good spirit' is exactly why I think it's such nonsense in the first place and it was the last straw on a big pile of kindling that had been piled up that year specifically with Indiana. Anyway, at this point I lost it, no question. I stepped in between them and Randy and did not allow them to say anything or try to high five Randy. I told them they didn't get to talk to or touch my teammates, and they didn't like this. I pushed one of them away from Randy, and some yelling ensued.

Gabe then ran over and threw me under the bus. He had no information about what had happened, and instead of having my back (his teammate), he apologized to them for me and pulled me away. I wasn't going to let them cheat sitting down, but Gabe was fine with this as well as throwing his own teammate under the bus. I was furious, and then started yelling at Gabe for undercutting me and essentially condoning what they did. The situation was starting to snowball out of control, and I let my emotions get the best of me. I was hurt that my teammates didn't have my back, as I had theirs, and still furious that Indiana was getting away with this injustice. So as Chuck came over to try to calm me down, and tell me that I was in the wrong, I told him to f*$k off. He responded in kind, and although I didn't realize it at the time, I had already lost my shot at being captain during my Senior year.

At this point, I wanted nothing more than to leave, and not talk to my teammates who had just abandoned me. But, I remember this exact thought going through my head,
"I want to be a captain next year, I cannot abandon my team now or I will lose that chance. A captain would not quit when the going gets tough".
So I stayed at the field and did my best to forget the previous ten minutes. I cheered my teammates on, and we won that game on universe point.

Fast forward one month - seemed like everyone on the captain nomination thread said I was out of control, a liability, an embarrassment (some who had never even played with me, all who had no idea what actually happened in the corner of that endzone). It hurt to hear my teammates say those things, never give me the benefit of the doubt that I was trying to help my team, and that I was soley responsible for the incident. But I took it all right on the chin. I never tried to make an excuse. I owned it.

Attempt 3
Going into my fifth year, I was yet again confident that I had the best case for captainship. I was still absolutely destroyed by not being able to play and help my brothers at regionals because of my injury, and the thought of going through another nomination process, listening to more harsh criticisms of my person, just to not be elected captain was absolutely terrifying. I considered not running since I had been wrong twice before. There were again two vacancies. Ben told me I was being dumb and that I had to run, so I did. During the nomination process, the same things were brought up again. I was dumbfounded as the only outburst I had senior year was when I tore my MCL and was going to miss regionals. And the only person that even knew about that was the person whose arms I cried in during the rain delay, Bruns. I told myself to just continue owning whatever they said about me. The whole idea of being a captain is about putting the team first. So if they needed to say these things, so be it. I remember Bruns texting me that if I was not elected, he was 'heading south again'. I was finally elected as a captain of NUT, after two failed campaigns and what I felt was a lot of undeserved and inaccurate criticism.

ARC