Background Info

Is it really dense
to just create words
and think they'll make sense?

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This information has just been sitting in the back of my mind for a long time and I'm excited to get it out of my brain and onto (figurative) paper.

Attempt 1
Going into junior year, I thought I had the best case to replace the only departing captain (Scott). I had public support of one of the returning captains (Ben), while I believe the other (Cheese) did not publicly endorse either Ian or me. But I lost to Ian. Ian and I did not always see eye to eye, but he was a great captain, and I can live with this defeat. He was older, more mature, and had paid his dues.

Attempt 2
Going into Senior year, I once again thought I had the best case for becoming a new captain. There were now two vacancies, and I had already been a leader on the team for almost two full seasons. But I lost my cool at Regionals against Indiana, and then got figuratively curb-stomped by all of my teammates during the nomination process the following month. This was probably the most angry and hurt I have ever been. The only people that knew everything that happened in that 'explosion' were me and the two guys from Indiana that were involved. Randy, I think knew most of it, but he's not the most assertive guy.

April 28, 2013. Great Lakes Regionals, Rockford Illinois. 5th place game.

I remember the series of events like they happened yesterday. I had hyper-extended my knee on Saturday and after trying to play on that day, had decided I wasn't bringing anything to the picture. So I was trying to help my team from the sideline.

Their player had just caught a disc 'in the endzone'. I had been trying to tell Randy that their player (who also knew the truth) was clearly out of bounds, but got immediately yelled at by Indiana that 'Sideline has no perspective!'. This is a common thing to say, but for one thing, is not true, and for another, I was calmly trying to talk to my own teammate, and they had no business getting in the middle of our conversation. Randy decided that it wasn't worth it and called the guy in. At this point I thought, 'Ok, that's fine. It's just one point. They can cheat, but we'll overcome it'. But then the Indiana players who were on the sideline next to me and knew their teammate had been out of bounds decided to tell Randy 'Good spirit!'. Now most people who will read this know how I feel about spirit already, so you can imagine my thoughts at this point. Telling Randy that allowing them to cheat was 'good spirit' is exactly why I think it's such nonsense in the first place and it was the last straw on a big pile of kindling that had been piled up that year specifically with Indiana. Anyway, at this point I lost it, no question. I stepped in between them and Randy and did not allow them to say anything or try to high five Randy. I told them they didn't get to talk to or touch my teammates, and they didn't like this. I pushed one of them away from Randy, and some yelling ensued.

Gabe then ran over and threw me under the bus. He had no information about what had happened, and instead of having my back (his teammate), he apologized to them for me and pulled me away. I wasn't going to let them cheat sitting down, but Gabe was fine with this as well as throwing his own teammate under the bus. I was furious, and then started yelling at Gabe for undercutting me and essentially condoning what they did. The situation was starting to snowball out of control, and I let my emotions get the best of me. I was hurt that my teammates didn't have my back, as I had theirs, and still furious that Indiana was getting away with this injustice. So as Chuck came over to try to calm me down, and tell me that I was in the wrong, I told him to f*$k off. He responded in kind, and although I didn't realize it at the time, I had already lost my shot at being captain during my Senior year.

At this point, I wanted nothing more than to leave, and not talk to my teammates who had just abandoned me. But, I remember this exact thought going through my head,
"I want to be a captain next year, I cannot abandon my team now or I will lose that chance. A captain would not quit when the going gets tough".
So I stayed at the field and did my best to forget the previous ten minutes. I cheered my teammates on, and we won that game on universe point.

Fast forward one month - seemed like everyone on the captain nomination thread said I was out of control, a liability, an embarrassment (some who had never even played with me, all who had no idea what actually happened in the corner of that endzone). It hurt to hear my teammates say those things, never give me the benefit of the doubt that I was trying to help my team, and that I was soley responsible for the incident. But I took it all right on the chin. I never tried to make an excuse. I owned it.

Attempt 3
Going into my fifth year, I was yet again confident that I had the best case for captainship. I was still absolutely destroyed by not being able to play and help my brothers at regionals because of my injury, and the thought of going through another nomination process, listening to more harsh criticisms of my person, just to not be elected captain was absolutely terrifying. I considered not running since I had been wrong twice before. There were again two vacancies. Ben told me I was being dumb and that I had to run, so I did. During the nomination process, the same things were brought up again. I was dumbfounded as the only outburst I had senior year was when I tore my MCL and was going to miss regionals. And the only person that even knew about that was the person whose arms I cried in during the rain delay, Bruns. I told myself to just continue owning whatever they said about me. The whole idea of being a captain is about putting the team first. So if they needed to say these things, so be it. I remember Bruns texting me that if I was not elected, he was 'heading south again'. I was finally elected as a captain of NUT, after two failed campaigns and what I felt was a lot of undeserved and inaccurate criticism.

ARC