FOMO

NUT has taken my sweat, my blood and my tears
My effort, my time, and my money.
But NUT finds a way to give more than it takes
In the form of a brotherhood that will last for years.

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FOMO (Fear of missing out): the feeling one has when they are afraid of exciting things happening when they aren't present. An example of this can be seen in How I Met Your Mother; the blitz suffers from FOMO because he actually is missing out on incredible happenings. 

However, this fear doesn't have to be founded in logic, and honestly it rarely is. I don't have FOMO about NUT right now because I think crazy things are happening or that things that are happening are any more crazy than the things that happened during my incredible 5 years there, rather my FOMO is more of a general feeling of missing those I love. 

College Ultimate is truly special. The shear amount of time you spend with teammates and coaches is pretty much untouchable by any other group at any other point in your life. You practice/workout together ~10-15 hours/week. You pour sweat and blood into the turf and the weight rooms on campus. You spend another 20-30 hours/week just sitting around the house shooting the shit, or playing video games, or eating lunch or dinner or playing disc golf, or doing hw (almost forgot about the whole school thing), or going to class. You spend every other weekend in the fall and spring together driving to and from tournaments, playing games, eating dinner, going to team cream, and watching tv in hotel rooms. You spend pretty much all your other free weekends and time together drinking and clowning around. This doesn't even account for the amount of time you are sleeping in the same vicinity (as many live with other teammates either at the house or elsewhere). Given this, it should be obvious that the bonds you form are ridiculously strong. 

For me, it's no mystery I miss my brothers so much. It's an incredible hole to try and fill. Some of the hole is unrecoverable; as soon as you leave college, it's impossible to spend the same amount of time with anyone simply because you work 40-50 hours a week. Other parts of the hole, you try to fill with what's comfortable -> more ultimate. But new teammates on club already have their own lives, families, and work. Still other parts, you try to fill with new experiences and expand your horizons, but not every new thing you try you stick with, and still other new things you try don't even involve other people (running for me). These other things fill the time, sure, but they don't give you the same sense of connection or belonging. They don't satisfy your need for human interaction with people you care about. They simply keep you busy so that you're not wallowing. This can only keep you afloat for so long.

I've done better with this transition than my one from High School to College, no doubt. But I am not without lapses, and weak moments. No matter how many things you involve yourself in, no matter how many new friends you make, no matter how much you like your new situation, you need some familiar and comfortable love at some point. I've made 1 trip home, had my parents visit twice, seen people from school multiple times, and that's just in the first 3.5 months. I'm not 'barely hanging on', but I'm also not completely content. I still crave my family and school friends all the time. I find myself wishing I was back in Evanston weekly at least.

What I've found, which may seem obvious, is that there's no specific formula for transitioning to a new place with new people, and there are no shortcuts. You have to invest yourself to ever get close to the same level of connection, and you have to make time to see your loved ones. It's a fine line between seeing old friends and making new ones. It's a line that I am constantly trying to toe and feel out. I think I'm walking the line pretty well at this point. 

ARC