Running

The cool air refreshes me with every breath
My entire body is ready for this challenge
Tomorrow at work will be certain death
But I know the payoff will be well worth the pain.

Finishing this run will give me such a high
So I push through, ignoring every painful twinge
Because the total result isn't something I can quantify
But I can tell you, those 13.2 miles are now my domain.

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I despised running for my entire life - until I moved to Madison. When I moved here, running became an overarching symbol of and tool for change in my life. My brother (as he has been for so many other things in my life) was the cause/inspiration for this change. He kept telling me about how great running had been for him, and I was obligated to try it. But I knew that if I approached it as something to do just to get my brother off my back, that I couldn't possibly get out of it what Eric told me was possible. I knew that I needed to have an open mind when I tried it for the first time. Below are my thoughts before during and after my first recreational run:
Before -
"I think I can probably make it two miles"
"But I wonder what I'll think about while I'm running for that long"
"Ugh. This is going to be miserable" - In spite of trying to have an open mind -> I was weak
"I just have to do it. No excuses"
During -
"Holy crap, it's hot out"
"Have I gone 2 miles yet?"
"You know, the lake is really pretty with the sun shining on it like that!"
"Man, the fresh air is so nice every time I inhale."
After -
"How am I so out of shape? I play elite ultimate twice a week!"
"Weird. But I didn't actually hate that"
"In fact, why was I so against this for so long?"
"I was an idiot. Right now I feel like I really accomplished something"
My thoughts changed drastically once I started. All I had to do was take the plunge, and I realized that I had been missing out on something really awesome!

I started using running as a tool; it is a great tool, let me tell you. It was a way to explore my new domain; every day I ran was a new sight to see, a new smell to smell. It was a way to work on my health; every day I ran I felt better about my conditioning. It was a way to work on myself; every day I ran I took in more knowledge from audio-books, ranging from Dave Ramsey's financial advice to Brian Tracy's self-improvement advice. It was a way to reflect on my own thoughts; every day I ran I had time for my mind to go blank and allow what was really important to me to pop into my head and in turn act on that. It was a way to compete with Eric; every day I ran I challenged him to push me harder. It was a way to stay busy; every day I ran I wasn't thinking about the 2 gaping holes in my life. It was a surefire way to smile every day; every day I ran I passed other runners and they always smiled at me so I smiled back.

This tool allowed me to make gains in a lot of areas. I have lost something like 15 lbs since moving here. I have read/listened to something like 10 books since moving here. I have come to understand and accept my flaws. I have then worked on those flaws. I have become more confident. I have become a happier person. Running was the first domino to fall, and it has been a chain reaction of positive change ever since. The holes in my life are still there, but they're closing in as I heal and grow in other areas. But I know it's not a bad thing that they're still there. If you never have holes in your life, you're doing something wrong. I also know now that if you aren't using this tool, you're doing something wrong.

By the Numbers -
First run: 2.1 miles in 18:07 = 9:04 min/mile
50 more runs ranging from 1-8 miles with an average of  2.5
Most recent run: 13.2 miles in 1:53:35 = 8:36 min/mile
Time span: 4 months, 5 days

Thoughts before during and after my most recent run:
Before -
"I want to run to the arboretum"
During -
"I made it to the arboretum"
"It's so nice out and I'm not tired yet. Why not keep going?"
"I'm completely dead, but when will I be this close to completing a half-marathon again?" - mile 10
"Just 1 more mile and I can cross an item off my bucket list!"
After -
"Holy hell!"
"How did I do that?"
"My brain can't figure out whether to be ecstatic or furious."

In the words of Ian Connor Preston, "Beat my time... YOU WON'T!!!"

ARC